Quickly, quickly

She's taking her nap.

Wanted to wish all a good month of fasting. I'm not sure what fasting day today is since i'm not fasting. i'm also not thinking of eid... what i am constantly thinking is of nura's milk consumption, and after she drinks, thinking... no... hoping she doesn't barf it up. her poop, her gassy tummy, her rash. if she's cold... or hot. WHY WON'T SHE SLEEP (and when she sleeps a bit longer than usual) WHY ISN'T SHE WAKING UP.

Breastfeeding is not easy. recurring problem of latching her properly. i did graduate from college and i do understand the literature on putting baby to nipple correctly. but still... WELL, at my defense, nura squirms and resists, and when i don't get her food quickly, she wails. but alhamdulillah, i think i'm getting the hang of it.

Also alhamdulillah, our hospital has wonderful lactation consultants... we go see Susan for help and she is a lifesaver. we just saw her yesterday, was worried if nura and i have yeast. nura may have a little yeast in her tummy from the rounds of antibiotics killing off all bacteria in her, including the good digestive bacteria she had/ needs.

I don't have yeast, but Susan and i have successfully concluded that i have a condition called Reynauds... a blanching of the nipple due to blood vessels contracting, leaving them white... quite painful.

AND, i've bruised my boobs when i'm expressing milk by hand, doing it too forcefully coz one shouldn't express milk like one is MILKING A COW.

So, on top of the damage i've caused my nipples from my own shortcomings, i also have this reynauds condition... BREASFEEDING IS HARD.

Anyways, KAK MIKE, MY EMAIL IS kemboja76@yahoo.com

And we went to Peoria the last weekend before fasting month started, had a good time seeing friends i haven't seen for close to 2 months. Pictures are here. Took her to the Asian grocery store whose lady owner would ask me EVERYTIME me go there before of when we will have our own baby. Sampai malas nak pi kedai dia dah. So we took nura to see her, as proof of us having one already, so she won't ask us THAT million dollar question again. she said this year is a very good year... only happens once in 60 years... not just any year of the boar but the year of the GOLDEN BOAR... very golden indeed.

BUT the main reason for posting today is to post these pictures. chot and i were playing around, trying to see nura resembles him or me most. she just doesn't look like any of us, maybe not yet. or maybe she's a mix of us making her look like none of us. or maybe she looks like her grandmother... my MIL. whatever lah. but the funny thing is the face she made... we gave up after 3 attempts : )...

what's in a name??

when nura was still in my tummy, family and friends would ask on a name for our baby. chot and i were so gung-ho on giving her a malay name, as oppose to an arabic name. we feel that giving our child a malay name is appropriate when baby is malay. and not like there's no meaning to the word/ name... not an arabic meaning but a malay meaning is a meaning nonetheless.

so classical malay names for girls are usually of flowers and for boys... i dunno... types of wood?? jept suggested a nice boy name of a type of wood. a manly name to call ur boy "Jati" right??

some other suggested names were "antoi" (my father-in-law). "antoi" is a type of flower by the way. and other non flower names like "murni" meaning "pure".

i always like the name "seri" for a girl. like m. nasir's daughter's name in the movie fenomena. "seri" means ""glow" although i think there might be other alternative meanings to the word.

and "tuah" for a boy. "tuah" means "luck".

once when we just got married, i suggested to chot that when we get a baby girl, i like to name her "comel" which means "cute". but chot shot that suggestion down, saying "comel" is the kind of name people give to their cat!!!

but when the time was finally here and baby was about to come into the world, i guess i chickened out (I chickened out since chot left the baby naming job to me). so as i always like (bordering on love for) "nura", i went with that. and that's that...

why did i chickened out?? i dunno really but most2 probably feeling like i was playing with an important issue like our child's name. i might scarred her for life by doing so. maybe, when she goes to school in malaysia, everyone might be making fun of her because of her "different" name.

and then there's the spelling of the name "nura"... and the pronunciation that chot and i went through. ideally it should be spelled "nuura" since it should be pronunced with a long "u".

oh well... i can't be too fussy on it because despite our best efford to give her a purfect name (in our eyes), people will still pronunce it the way they want. like my MIL, she kept calling nura "nOra"...

and now, as nura is spending time with us, growing and showing us her personality, we've been calling her with nicknames... i've sometimes call her "comot" = messy... due to how messy she looks after each feeding.

and chot calling her "konyot" sometimes. i don't know the word but he explained it as "bantal konyot", like a child's favorite pillow or blanket. when she's crumpled up and smelly but ultimately, well loved.

jumble womble

am multitasking. typing with one hand n holding her in place for feeding with the other.

nura is turning into a little person. before, she was more of a blob asking/ wailing for her needs to be met. hmmmm... she still wails but now she smiles when i put my face close, making small talk to hers... understanding my jokes.

bringing her home, i was full of enxiety. but things are beginning to settle into place. i want to put this down... that even when she's just a month old, i always felt like i've known her forever.

anyways... have tons of pics to share.

of nura's hospital stay. oh, by the way, she had a VCUG done last friday. her urine valve is normal and the bacteria in her urine is a one time thing.

of ellie's visit... enjoyed her and jeffrey's company. we'll return the visit insyaallah... if not soon, later : )... i'll get nura to the zoo if it's the last thing i'll ever do.... hheeeaahhh hhaaa hhaa hhaa (chanelling gargamel from "the smurfs" cartoon")

of kansas city friends coming over. it was fun... thanks for coming. jangan serik ok...

what else???...oh no, my other hand needs this typing hand...

Nura is 1 month

our nura is one month. she's taking a nap right now and hope i can finish writing this before she wakes up.

what marks this milestone??... let see, she's chubbier and weights 8 lbs and 8 ozs. last friday. i tried putting on this cute dress ellie got her but it's still a bit big.

alamak, she's awake... she wants food... ok, quickly....

she eats a lot and then barf it out soon after. but mostly, it stays down.

she's a bit impatient.

she regular... bowel movement wise.

she makes cute faces... makes cute sounds (when she's not fussy)

she smiles more now when she's full and content. laughs even... so cute...

ok... she's crying her eyes out... happy 1 month old nura, ibu and ayah loves you.

update please

so, i have to keep it short and simple.

had 2 previous drafts, trying to tell the same story and still it didn't get publish.

nura went into hospital for 3 days, high fever, 100.6 F. went in last sunday, went home wedneday. they poke her for spinal fluid, many times drawing blood and stuck an i.v on her. VERY TRAUMATIC for me.

bacteria in urine. hope it's a one time thing... but doc. will follow up on a test on her urine valve.

she's fine now.

i'll have to take better pics of her.

she's gaining weight. being an inexperience mom, i freak out a bit when i realized she was developing a double chin. i thought her chin was swollen!!!... qua qua qua. but being in the hospital at that time didn't help..., i took every changes in her to be an illness.

i'll post pics from the hospital later.

Our Baby Nura

: )... so, this is our precious Nura, alhamdulillah, allah hu akhbar. Chot and i are so thankful everything went well and nura is a healthy baby and we love her very much.

she weights 6lbs 11.2 ozs at birth (what is that in kg??), i dunno how long she is but she has a head of black hair.

she was born 8 days overdue and i felt strong contractions around 3 am sunday morning August 5th. after subuh prayer and a shower, chot drove me to the hospital and i was admitted. was dialating at 3 to 4 cm and got an epidural in the first hour there. in the next hour, was dialating at 5 to 6 cm. at 12 noon, was fully dialated and nura's head was a finger's length away from crowning. the epidural was a bit strong for me because i was numb as numb can be, couldn't feel a thing... which i am not complaining.

so, they turn the epidural machine off and waited till 2:30 to have me push. i was still not feeling anything but went ahead and started pushing anyways. and at 4:43pm, nura came into the world.

chot was by my side all the way. helped me push and took photos. the doctor asked him if he wanted to cut the cord but he said no. it's scary enough being in the room for him i think, so no one insisted he do it. but he took a lot of "in the moment" pictures... admirable considering everything that's going on.

we stayed in the hospital for 2 days, going home early tuesday evening. thank you kak ellie for sharing some info with the others. the lightning got our modem, wireless router and some other computer component. we had to (reluctantly) buy new stuff... a computer too.

thank you everyone for the well wishes left in the comments section... nice to know u have people thinking of u, and wondering how ur going. i think this post satisfy all inquiries... ya???

Nura is starting to wiggle and i know soon she'll ask for milk. she's 5 days old today by the way. i've uploaded pictures of the birthing, click here. i'll try to share more stories and pictures soon insyaallah.

My niece Husna

i was waiting for new pictures of husna since forever. my sister took tons of pics BUT taking and actually sending some are two seperate, seemingly unrelated occurrences.

but i got them today!!! oh, how i missed this little bugger. Husna has more hair now, enough for cute hair clips. and she doesn't look like my mom anymore, i think. probably more like her dad.

she's learning to imitate facial expression, hence the curled up lips in the second picture.



as for me, i've dialated 1 cm on wednesday. and the doctor says if i don't go into labor by wednesday morning, i'll be induced. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.

no action yet

so, i'm still here, no changes in my current pregnant condition. i'm not complaining since i think being "late" buys me more time to prepare. but that's the whole thing, prepare for what exactly??

chot's was fidgety a week or so before my due date. asking me tons of questions when i came back from the doctor's office. asking me if there's any changes, if i'm dialated and if i felt ok, so on and so on... and so on.

i pointed out to him of his restlessness, seemed like he's bothered that i'm not following the timetable. if my due date is so and so, something should happen by now or i won't meet my deadline kind of thinking.

and as soon as i ended my sentence. he said, "i know u, if it was up to u, u'll be late for as long as u can". so true!!!... but to my defense, it's not like i'm posponing the arrival of our baby through mind control. she's just wants to stay in for now. the troubles of the world must be scaring her, much2 more safer to stay inside.

so, what is it with meeting the due date?? it's a guess date anyways. tell me how many ladies out there gave birth come their due date?? highly unlikely right?? so, no worries. Plus, the doctor says since i'm ok and the baby is ok, she'll give me up to 10 days. we'll see how long this goes on.

anyways, there might be a downside to keeping the baby longer. i was paying for coffee at barnes and nobles yesterday and the lady asked "u'r pretty big, when are u due??", to which i answered "ammmm... yesterday". it was quite funny really, until it occured to me that the baby will not stop growing and i will continue to expand... qua qua qua...

anyways, a picture with the peaches in the backyard.

battle for the peaches

this year, we're blessed with peaches. last year we only got one stinkin' peach from 2 full grown trees!!! it depends on how the weather is really, if it suddenly gets cold or there's frost, the buds will be stunted. this year, there's no cherries and the plums are puny. but the peaches and apples looks good.

the abundance of peaches made the branches droop, i was worries they'll all break. i think we're suppose to discard some so the ones that's left will grow bigger but luckily we didn't since the squirrels were being such pests and constantly attack the peaches. if we did discard some and then factor in the squirrels, we'd end up with none.

then my in-laws came into the picture. as soon as they got here, they got possessive over our fruit trees, and since the peaches are the first to ripen, it's peaches this and that. everyday, they'll report to us on the squirrel activity. how many squirrels, their sizes, their manners. how the squirrels are ruining the fruits.

these observations turned into hatred, they began keeping watch. once i saw them lurking behind some bushes trying to surprise the squirrels i guess. and i saw a makeshift sling shot in the basement. chot told me of ayah relating to him seeing our neighbor's kid patrolling their vegetable patch with a BB gun. ayah came "this close" to asking for a BB gun of his own...

once, to everyone's surprise, ayah went and caught a squirrel with his bare hands. he was out of breath and got his thumb bitten in the process... but the look of joy on his face... priceless!!! i was soooooooo sure we were going to have squirrel curry for dinner that night but he let it go. if u look closely, u can even see ayah's bloodied thumb...

for now, the talk of squirrels and peaches are no more. ayah and mama went and harvested all the peaches... even the unripen ones. next will be the apples!!!

Tasmanian sweetheart

new picture of Adam... i think he looks pretty dashing, with his hair all slick like that... boleh chop tak utk this baby in my tummy??...

gosh i miss them... tasmania is so far away...

still pregnant

tomorrow i'll be at 38 weeks. i don't think i'll be delivering early since seeing the doctor on July 10th and she said i'll probably deliver close to my due date.

the baby's head is in place but she's still up there. i'm not even dialated yet just my cervics has started to thin out. so sorry to those that received news from me of being/ started to dialate, i must have heard the doctor wrong when i was there previously.

so, it's just a matter of waiting. some days i'd get the heebie jeebies... and some days i'm ok. chot said he's scared and unprepared. i guess we somewhat feel the same, us being first time parents, there's a lot of unknowns.

i wish i had my mom with me... i know, i know... my MIL is here and she's my "mom" but if i get to choose, i want my real mom... that would be great. but beggers can't be choosers. AND, i have a long list of phone numbers of friends to call for advise on issues regarding caring for baby.

i went to a few baby classes. not the whole she bang... just managed to get into the last of a series of pre-natal classes (i called too late) and it was on what to expect after delivery, post-partum etc. and went to a breastfeeding class on tuesday. The instructor did say to bring our partner along, but i went to the breastfeeding class without chot. There were 2 guys there and coming back from it, i told him and he promply replied "those guys just want to see pictures of boobies"... go figure.

but the good thing about our small town hospital, the support system is good and more personal. a lactationist is always around on the floor and they take turns minding the breastfeeding hotline. there's another hotline for other baby questions. also, there's a breastfeeding mothers' support group that meets every wednesday. insyaallah, i'll be ok... clueless at times but ok.

anyways... i was fiddling on the computer a couple of days ago and i wound up looking through some older photos of me in my first trimester. a bit alarmed at how poofy my face is now... ok, ok... i AM very pregnant these days but it didn't diminish the ickyness i felt... ahhhh... soooo superficial. and a gurdle my MIL brought from malaysia... a size M. i took one look at it and wondered how the hell am i going to fit into that!!!

so here's some pictures to compare.

4 more weeks to 40 weeks

actually 4 weeks and 3 days... but who's counting...

today, went to the doctor's office and she went and put her hands up there. and said the baby's head is in place.

(1) ouch...

(2) coolness. when this is the first physical contact with baby. i mean the baby is real, she's been wiggling and pushing her butt up my right side but what the doctor just did made it more real...

so, 4 more weeks... maybe more... maybe less... most probably less is u ask my mom. always saying 2 weeks early... always... always the case with ladies on my mom's side. so fingers crossed.

Thank You, Thank You

it's been hectic... or rather, i've been slow. slow in doing everything.

my body aches and i can't sleep at nights. so in the day, i nap a lot. i'm bigger and chubbier and retaining water. seemes like my whole body is swollen... normal stuff, right guys??...

anyways, enough about that. i'm writing for a purpose here, to say a big THANK YOU to dear friends. not in any particular order...

TQ to KAK ELLIE for driving all the way from Omaha and giving and lending tons of stuff. and going around looking for good deals at garage sales for me. i had fun having you and JEFFREY here.



and thank you EMMY for the boxful of baby clothes and other stuff. you're such a sweetheart and very thoughtful. if u can make it, come and visit us and chot's mum can make yummy stuff for u guys.



TQ also to MUS for organizing the baby shower and offering her home for the event. and to the Peoria clan AUDRA, KAK CHA, MIRA, BEE, YAN & ELISZ for the nice gifts, effort and yummy food.

TQ to SYUMAILA for the gift and coming. Finally, we got to meet.

The baby shower was so much fun. great time chatting and eating and laughing. enjoying the kids and playing silly baby shower games. Thank you so much you guys!!! LOVED IT. more pictures are here.


(i know i forgot someone... so i'm adding this now). a big TQ to ANIS & JEPT for the crib and tons of baby stuff. really appreciate it u guys. saves us a lot right there.

and TQ to JOE for the frame, i'll use it for sure & remember you always.

TQ to NEENIE and APEX for those lovely booty and adorable dress. you guys are such dears!!!

also, a big TQ to BAI for the cute baby stuff and helping me get to places i needed to go. dearest buddy... you're a life saver.

and TQ to chot's co-worker KERRY & wife LORNA for the baby clothes. i need to remind myself to send them a TQ note.

sorry for being so out of touch to some of you. want to write proper TQ notes, or email u guys personally but like i said, i'm pretty slow right now.

anyways, pray for me ok u guys, it's getting close and i'm scared... ammmm... that's it. THANK YOU MUCH.

Salam De Kalb

so, here i am again, early2 in the morning blogging.

we're in De kalb for Midwest games... they're doing it at Northern Illinois University this year. My very first time in De Kalb and NIU but chot's been here eons ago to see a friend. he showed me the town and the downtown, and once went to the town's corn festival. if anyone is wondering, he said he wasn't here visiting a girlfriend... he said... hahaha. maybe i'll inquire in more details.

anyways, when midwest games comes along, he'll always lose to the temptation of playing soccer. and each year he goes, and each year he'll come back to me with aches and pains and SWEARS he will not do this again... but then he does... vicious cycle... vicious...

this year i'm tagging along, might as well travel when it's still the two of us. and after he's done with soccer... we'll make our usual round of chicago. with a van, i can buy big stuff at Ikea : )... yeah right... dream on lady!!!

anyways actually, really excited to see Ika & the other kiddies. I want to hear Ika say "toksey"... courtesy of audra's in-laws. will share pics later...

++++

update on chot + my tummy. he's much better than before... there's still worry on his part when the skin is all (in his words) "shiny". well, that the situation. and on the flipside, he's started talking about the next baby. wallau!!!... i'm having enxiety thinking about giving birth, how to raise one child proper and he's already planning out the second one.

ehek ehek, but we'll see, if god is willing. coz (1) with me having endomitriosis, it is wise to not wait to long, not wanting the endo to come back when i'm left errrr... idle. and (2) i'm not actually spring chicken anymore...

: )... speaking about spring chicken, there was a fellow teacher in gerik. she'd tell us her life story on more than one occasion... on getting married late. so to make up for time wasted, every year she'd produce one baby. she has a whole batallion of kiddies tailing her. and we can spot her grafitti car anywhere. when anyone one of us in the teacher's room says "guess who's pregnant??"... i can bet top dollars ALL of us were thinking it's this particular lady... pregnant again??!!!...

anyways, that's it for now. the motel's breakfast starts in 15 minutes... i need food!!!...

the story, morning glory

well, well, well... looks who's up at 4 in the morning...

i woke up to go the bathroom & couldn't fall back to sleep. maybe because tummy is a bit hungry (am having a soya bean drink) or maybe because the enxiety on not starting packing for memorial day weekend trip. that's most probably it... i've procrastinated too long... (and still, instead of packing, i'm blogging!!!)...

alhamdulillah, pregnancy is going well. although body is aching more, i guess it's normal with the extra weight i'm carrying. my back, my legs hurts the most. i know i should have started an exercise routine earlier to prepare my body for the extra strain but sitting on the couch feels much better. and baby is moving much more and it's more intense. she's kicking my bladder often... that hurts too.

i took some pics of me with tummy weeks ago. only recently took and putting up an actual "photo with tummy" for all to see. a friend asked if i took pics each month to track, u know... to track development. ammmm... that would be a "no". felt like not wanting to jinx it i guess. or maybe, not wanting to be too confident... all cocky & happy, acting like it's a done deal when baby is not a comfirm. ur sssoooo pessimistic win!!!... lighten up!!!...

so, why did i took a "photo with tummy" and sharing it with all??... hehheh, i'm not that heartless. besides, it's only one picture taking session and i would like to have some kind of "photo with tummy" to remember this time in my life.

what the ell am i babling about??... so anyways, here's ME with the classic side pose!!!... is her butt bigger than her belly??... wah yes... it is!!!...

++++

also sharing some pics of our new mode of transportation. it's not "new" per say since we traded in our used mitsubishi for a used honda odyssey (oddysey??... haiya... can't even spell it right). we were just talking about getting a van but it was just talk since chot knows he married a worrier (and i worry about money all the time) he didn't want to give me enxiety by pushing the matter. BUT, it is the next logical thing to do, plus, with the prospect of chot's parents coming and staying for 6 months, it will just be impossible to cram everyone in a car.

still, i was not too hot on the idea. my main concern was how we'll manage coz the goal here is to get out of debt, not create more of it. plus, having more people in the household and providing for them... and still having 2 morgages to pay... gosh, i'm having trouble breathing!!!

then it happened...one day, we drove pass the honda dealership and saw a quite cheap van and one thing led to another. chot proposed a patch up plan (basically, work more hours to pay for the van. i pity him really, he comes home tired and then head straight to the computer to do more work. damn, i'm useless.)

so, no denying it... we're officially in the minivan group. anyways, here's last pics with the car and last day of driving the mitsubishi to work for chot. the car has been good to us. and last pic is of the van...

Salam Waterloo 3

ok... pregnancy.

i'll be at 29 weeks this saturday... and will have +/- 3 more months to go. the due date is july 28. i've so far gained 24 lbs and weight 143 lbs. my tummy is bigger and instead of walking, i waddle like a penguin. mostly due to a tight and uncomfortable back. my tummy is out there and when i stand straight, i can't see my feet.

chot is sooooooo trying not to be uncomfortable with the current state of my tummy. he's still working on that coz i can still see some uneasiness in the way he acts around "it". he never just go and touch "it" willingly . on the rare occasions when he does, it seemed like he had to prepare himself before doing so. the act is a bit unnatural but at least he's trying.

when i ask if he want to feel the baby move, he'll give out his hand like "okey, here... where do i put it" and his hand will be a bit stiff. and like the baby knows too... she refuses to wiggle.

he does however at times, put his face close enough to "it" and says "assalamualiakum" and "hello bibi, wake up". he does make fun of himself at the fact that he's uneasy by pointing to my exposed tummy and saying stuff like "eeeeeee!!!... gross". well, that's chot for you.

and the biggest shocker was when he kissed "it". i was surprised when he did it the first time and even more surprised when he went and did it the second time.

++++

and on my end, it's funny coz half of the time, i forget that i'm pregnant. just 2 or 3 weeks ago someone asked "how far along are u??" and my mind was going "far along in what??"... only a couple of seconds later a light bulb lid up and i realized he was asking about my tummy. but i guess most ladies experienced the same thing, it's not like it's a constant conciousness... hehheh, then again what do i know.

but not to worry, i won't be some iron woman doing a triathlon. thanks to my body : )... coz it will tell me when it can't comply with what my mind wants it to do. and thanks to my baby too : ) kicking and squirming in there, reminding me of her existence.

++++

and of late, i'm beginning to have these enxieties. the "i can't escape now, now can i??" and, "what do i know about delivering a baby??" and, "why do i feel like impending doom is upon me??" kindda thing. basically, i'm getting the heebie jeebies. but i am trying to keep these enxieties under control coz i won't be doing myself any good wallowing in them.

++++

i was made a bit unsure by the number of people (and 2 midwives) telling me i look like i'm carrying a boy. but i'm going to stick with the ultrasound saying the baby is a girl. coz she did have her legs wide apart for all to see that day. i don't know when my next ultrasound will be or if there's any... but for now, we're having a girl.

and hopefully insyaallah, all will go well. i'd have chot snap a pic of me to put on the blog. insyaallah soon.

salam waterloo 2

so it's close to 4 in the morning. i missed my sleep time and now am wide awake. i'll wait for subuh and go to sleep after.

i'm trying to think what else was memorable and worth mentioning of my malaysian trip.

oh yes, i met up with anis and adam in kl. jept left for tasmania earlier but the two of them were still in malaysia. they flew in from penang & me from jb. it's worth mentioning that Airasia messed up my ticket, saying i had to buy a new one since the first purchase was canceled. and whatdayaknow?? they charge me twice. and even when they can see they charged me an extra ticket, they weren't helpful in returning the money. asked me to provide proof, to fax the info to them. oh, and trying to get in touch with took forever, put me on hold for ages.

back to meeting anis & adam. adam looked the same just slimmer and more energetic. just looking at anis trying to handle (and wrangle) him made me tired. plus, he was a bit sick so that didn't help his tempraments. he loves to pull people's hair, he always did but maybe more forcefully and persistant.

he tried grabbing mine and became frustrated when i didn't let him. proceeded to release his frustration by biting my arm. and when he couldn't get my flesh between his teeth, he went for my nose. oh boy!!! he bit down hard and for a moment there, i thought he took a chuck off. he didn't BUT it sure felt like it... the pain!!!

ok, sleeply now and it's time for subuh. i'll babble some more later. i still have my pregnancy to tell about.

Salam Waterloo

: )...

all is well... was intentionally not wanting to write a post. i guess there's soooo much to tell that i figured it'd be easier not telling them at all...

let see, trip & time in malaysia

i didn't enjoy the flight, i had pain in my back, siastica (or ciastica) pain they call it. it's something like pressure on a nerve.

i didn't enjoy being reminded of shortcomings of the institution that is "a family". being away from home for so long, i was a little off in my grasp of how eerrrmmm "unique" any (and my) family is and its members. and as quickly as i was thrown off balance with the situation, i quickly settled in... everything was familiar. every stinking little detail.

now, don't get the the wrong idea, i love my family dearly and since family consists of people and people are cooky and sometimes disappointing (right?? no one is perfect)... we don't have a choice but to just accept it... and them.

what the ell am i babbling about??... my point is, had good time with them and treasure the trip most definate. the experience was soooo "authentic".

i did enjoy spending time with my new niece. she's sooo cute even with all that baldness. her hair took so long to grow back after her mom and my dad shaved all her locks off. i am not prepared and will definately be freaked out the next time my sister sends me pics of husna with hair!!!

and husna has this serious expression she always gives us. she frowns a lot, her forehead all wrinkled up. she is so moody... just like her mom... even when she wants to pass wind she'd grumble. and such a light sleeper. and she thinks everyone that walks pass her is trying to play with her. which doesn't help when coupled with the light sleeper state because she'd wake up from sleep and in a few minutes, would start smiling.




i enjoyed spending time with my mom and misses her the most, the most-est... hehheh. bless her heart. she's a weeper and i take after her so at each point we had to part, even when i was only going to KL, she'd cry and then, i'd cry... i know, so sappy.

i did enjoy spending some quality time with my sister fatin. the last time i saw her, she was in that rebellious teenager stage. and now 19, she's a bit grown up. but she did get on my nerve with the constant texting (sms-ing). we'd share a room and at 3 in the morning, that damn phone would start buzzing. and the girl would actually get up and send a reply!!!...

and talking about texting, at the end of my stay, i was getting pretty good at it too. although i think my friend bai would beg to differ. she'd usually loses her patience waiting for my reply that she'd end up giving me a call.

i enjoyed meeting up with friends. this trip home, bai, neenie and apex put in the efford to meet up. bai came by to see me the most and apex offered her lovely home for a pot luck. and neenie send me off at the airport. lovely time, lovely friends. thanks u guys!!!

hhmmm... what else??...

oh, my sister's wedding. it went well for the most part. it could have been better but whose wedding is perfect??... unless ur dad is some big shot and could hire an army of people or like siti norhaliza, u have shah redza as a wedding planner (ehh, even then siti ended up wearing that power puff girl gown!!!)... back to my sister...

the most memorable and unbelievable incident, like the sooo unprofessional sound guy my parents hire. he forgot to come. and guess where he was with his family when my dad called from the wedding hall??... in Pangkor Island, frolicking in the sun.

and, the groom's mom not showing up. a bus did come (we did prepare ourselves this time : D) but since my sister's mom-in-law was a no show, the bus was only 1/3 full. probably the other 2/3 of people didn't see the point of coming when the groom's mom wasn't. i pity my new brother-in-law, he tried to explain his mom's absent as best as he can. like i said, families & their members... someone will spoil it at one point or another.


but all in all, the wedding went well. and it felt great being able to help out and participate. and, more pictures of my malaysian trip are at my photo album link.



ok then, i think i should continue my babbling some other time, chot is walking around in the kitchen, opening the fridge and stuff. and just now asked for tea. and he's so thoughtful, he took the initiative to boil water for me to make him tea : D...

and 15 minutes later, i'm still typing away, editing this post and he went and made his own drink!!!... : o... : D...

salam malaysia

reporting, arrived safely in malaysia. my back is still hurting... started from sitting too long on the airplane. came to a point where i just can't bare it... looking at my watch and counting the minutes to touchdown in KL. this is craziness, will not do it again!!! (when will it be then the next time i go back alone with a pregnant belly anyways huh??)...

my malaysian food consumption hasn't been that rampant. some like the satay and nasi dagang fell below expectations. mainly due i think to me thinking about them too much back in the states, thus incidently elevating it's tastyness a few degrees. i mean, it's good but i just thought it should be better.

also maybe i didn't get my food at the right place...

i'm here now in JB... and yesterday we started doing the "bunga manggar"... my sister is very low on funds & only has a small budget to work with that the pressure to get stuff done (a certain pretty2/ particular way) is not there. basically, just do it as best as we can with what we already have. oh and yes, she is getting married to the guy with the amazingly bad family. the guy seems nice enough though...

well, will update when i can.

itching to blog

i've been wanting to write stuff but due to poor time management & a flurry of activities, only manage to do so now.

OMAHA

it was such a great trip. i met kak ellie after so long & spend lots of time laughing & talking. we've haven't talked much even when she moved to the states but upon seeing her, it felt just like old times.

me and bai always crash at ellie's apartment in KL. and when bai "bertenet" with niza, ellie & i would often go do stuff together... maybe she felt sorry for me : )...

she's very sisterly, she's like a big sister i never had. a SAVIOR too, my knight-ess in shining armor : ) coz one time, she saved me from a pervert. this perv didn't want to let me go, pulling me up to his apartment. after ellie threatened him, he send me back down.

i didn't expect ellie could or would be physically forceful too... coz as soon as the guy got close enough to her, she punched him in the stomach, yup... she did. and as we drove away, i realized how weak and stupid and defenseless i am/ was and how very glad i am to have ellie there... i could have been victimized... the horror.

that was old times, she's happy... happier now in Omaha, with a kind husband and the darnest, smiliest cute cute baby boy. my weekend with her was spend eating lots and lots of food. she not only prepared every single meal but made desserts and snacks too.

i was sooo happy i got my "perut masak lemak cili padi" and my "nasi lemak sambal kerang" and enjoyed other stuff i didn't think of requesting. chot & i were like big happy piggies coz we rarely eat that much food. and because malay food is so rich in fat & oil & cholesterol, chot joked that he felt his life was shortened by 5 years being in Omaha for 2 days. but that didn't stop us from eating more of ellie's stuff in waterloo coz she packed us leftovers.

i took some pictures click here for pics of food and of jeffrey and us having a good time.

on our drive back, we passed a truck hauling lifestock... i took a picture.


ABNORMAL CELLS

wednesday Feb. 14, chot and i went to see my OB-gyn. remember i wrote about them finding abnormal cells from my pap smear?? well, my doctor took a closer look that day & plotted where the cells are... she said to the nurse "cells are at 3 o'clock, 6 o'clock... 9... 12 o'clock" and i thought to myself "that's like everywhere!!!". i went in kindda hoping the bad cells had miraculously dissapeared on their own... nope... no such luck.

she said that my abnormal cells are high grade ones. and left untreated most likely will progress into cancer. but since i'm pregnant, she can't treat me and any kind of treatment will have be be schedule 6 weeks after delivery. what is left is for us to monitor the progression and i will have to have a pap smear every 3 months.

the doctor said there is a chance the cell might go away on it's own after i give birth BUT she doesn't sound or look convincing.

and abnormal cells takes a few years to turn cancerous and since we detected them early, there's not much concern. BUT since i missed doing my pap smear last year, i wonder how long those cells have been festering inside of me and how long i have left before they turn really2 bad... aahhhh... the uncertainty... think positive win, think positive...

sigh... there's really nothing i can do about it, i'm not that worried. just hoping it'll be under control until i can have them zapped away with lasers... think positive... think positive...

GIVING ADVISE TO ALL LADIES THAT ARE READING THIS, GO DO YOUR PAP SMEAR EVERY YEAR... EVERY YEAR... better to detect & treat early before things get nasty.

MALAYSIA

if u get to reading this far into my looonngg post, you'll find out that i am heading for family time in malaysia. see, on our way to Omaha, i related to chot of me writing my birthday post for my sister & how I missed lots of important family stuff. how i kindda really feel i want to go home. so, we agreed we'd ask the doctor next time we see her, if it's ok for me to travel and all.

evidently the doctor said OK coz I AM leaving for malaysia on the 26th. actually, by the time we asked her, my urge to go home was not at all strong. even when she said yes, i was very iffy. so iffy in fact that i lost sleep thinking about it and was giving myself a headache and making myself more confuse.

little that i know, chot made it his mission. he called the travel agent as soon as we got home from the clinic. he said "i'm just looking around for a good price so when you do decide, i know what agent to call". but the next day at work, he went and bought the ticket. he knows and i know if it was left to me, i'll still be thinking and thinking and thinking.

SO, i will make it to Bobo, my 2nd sister's wedding March 10th. i'll get to see my parents and my other sisters and my little niece... my relatives... my friends. eat malaysian food & fulfill my dream of going to the "pasar malam".

i have a few more days left to pack & get stuff ready for chot. he'll be spending the 6 weeks apart by working like a dog. he needs to make up for the dent in our already tight expenditure from the purchase of my flight ticket & future spending in malaysia.

and trying not to be too useless in generating some spending money for myself, i plan to bring some handbags and wallets to sell in malaysia. i hope the stuff gets sold coz this little pregnant lady had the stuff hauled across oceans. anyone interested??... take a look here at the pictures of AUTHENTIC BRANDED HANDBAGS WITH REASONABLE PRICE. hehheh, i should try to advertise better huh??...

Happy Happy Birthday

we're leaving for Omaha this evening & i haven't finished packing. but i am a bit of a procrastinator so i do have to be true to my nature : )...

thank you for the birthday wish people.

i'm writing this especially for my sister yohaniz (we call her dedek) coz it's her birthday too. she's 30 today and i'm exactly a year older. although i don't think she reads my blog but what the hell, it doesn't hurt to put my thoughts down.

her & i were born on the same day, a year apart. such good timing i have to say for my mom to hit the same date 2 year in a row. what's the probability of that i wonder??

but the similarity ends there. we look different, have different hair type, different look... different, different different. and we hate each other's guts growing up... actually, it's more of her hating mine & i just returned the compliment. she's a clean & neat freak even when we were little. if i accidentally touched her she'll start huffing and puffing, saying "jangan la sentuh, kau tak mandi lagi"... or something like that. what a quack...

: D... so we sisters never grew to liking each other. and never got a chance to get to really spending quality sister time & do whatever sisters do. then we went to different boarding schools, different universities and all that. started work at different malaysian states. only seeing each other when i go back for long holidays. then i got married & moved to the states... how far away can i go right??... doesn't help getting close to siblings that's for sure.

i wasn't there when she got married (i wanted to go back but with all the medical bills i inccured, i just can't make myself). so i missed that, missed her delivery of her first daughter, husna. missed visiting her when she was unwell. see, she recently had to have her left ovary removed due to a cyst that was growing on it. the thing twisted a few times causing her ovary & cyst combo to die. when the doctor cut her up, the thing was already rotting...

and knowing i'll be missing a lot more by living so far away from home. shucks!!! suddenly felt like hopping on a plane for a visit... if only it was that easy.

anyways, as we got older, we just kindda mellowed... we try to email once in a while and i talk to her sometimes on the phone. she sends me pictures of husna.



anyways, happy birthday dek... hope to see you soon.

right, can't think of a title

it's 2 in the evening. been sitting in front of this computer since 9 am. my back is hurting from sitting too long but still, i am looking for something else to do that is computer related. that has been the case (ok, problem) lately.

my left side is hurting. it's the same pain i felt from my existing medical condition. maybe the cyst is trying to shrink, i dunno but the pain is at a level where i can't help but wince. hope it'll go away soon.

the pregnancy will be at 4 months this saturday, how time flies. my tummy is bigger and i have to stop describing it as a "buncit" coz it has cease to look like a big lunch. i pulled my sweater up to show chot my tummy and i guess it does look pregnant... coz the next thing he said was for me to please not scare him. my husband cringes at the sight of a pregnant belly. he sees one and think it's going to burst like a balloon. i'll report more on this as time progress.

i'll be 31 tomorrow. i'm ok with it (do i have a choice??) and don't feel like i need to sit down and reflect on my younger days : D... Last year was a different story all together, reaching three- zero was a bit of a doozy. i'd probably feel the same way when i get to four-zero, insyaallah.

we'd probably go out to a restaurant downtown. since we'll be driving to Omaha tomorrow, we'll have the birthday dinner today. that is if i don't change my mind... the weather is awfully cold nowadays and i just hate walking outside... torture!!!

and thank you for the well wishes from ezzel & redza. i don't think they read my blog apart from leaving their congratulatulations in the comment section. but if they do read this, thank again and no redza, sorry dude, no can do. maybe tuah or seri.

Bunch of pics

pictures are uploaded to my photo album. click the link on the left bottom part of the blog.

pictures are from Adam's Birthday party & farewell, Jept & family final days in Peoria and us sending them at the airport.

and i like this picture the most, for the oh so obvious reason of being the last picture of all 5. i make it sound like we're not going to meet up ever... maybe not ever, but sure going to be a long while.

Oh Harry, how you've grown

*WARNING* provoking pictures.



sorry then, by the time u see the warning sign, u've probably saw the pictures too... astagfirullah la banyak2 ye kawan2.



i was just doing my usual "wastetimeinthedaytime" reading news at yahoo and these pictures REALLY caught my eye. i don't think i can watch the next Harry Potter movie (or any harry potter movie for that matter) and not be reminded of how this boy has grown.

doodling

today, waking up suddenly i felt like sushi. it's weird... not that i felt like sushi but weird that for a small town like waterloo, we do have a japanese place.

usually a town's diversity is on a scale of the existance of (1) a chinese place (2) an indian place (3) thai place (4) everything else. the more diverse, the more (1), (2)... then comes (3) & (4). but for waterloo, we jumped a few steps!!!

that one and only japanese place is the expensive sit down kind... maybe they have a lunch special huh??... hmmm interesting. anyways, the sushi place we like is in chicago, if only we lived closer to a diverse town like chicago... i'd be going to bed happy.

and, i want to mention, i've been thinking a lot about my grandmother's "botok2" (not to be confused with "otak2". though "otak2" sounds pretty yummy too). "botok2" is a johor thing i think coz i've never seen it anywhere else. it's fish in "ulam" gravy wrapped in more "ulam2an" and all is wrapped in banana leaves, then steamed. hard to find "ulam" too. my grandmother had them growing in her yard but after she passed away, no one dug them out & grow them at their place.

i remembered when my mak yah wanted to make some "botok2", she had to go on an "ulam" expedition into villages... asking if she can pick some leaves of some bush.

anyways, on a happier note, my friend ellie in Omaha offered to make me some "nasi lemak sambal kerang" AND "perut masak lemak cili padi"... so we'll be going to Omaha soon insyaallah. my friend mus in peoria also offered to make me stuff, I'll keep that in mind : ). she makes very good noodle dishes... maybe mee rebus (she calls it mee kuah keledek or something)... yummy.

hmmm... and i thought i wanted to write a post on a few topics but it's 100?% on food. hungry... hungry... hippo...

hungryyyyy... want nasi lemak sambal kerang. i'd make some myself but i don't think i can stand frying the sambal, plus no kerang.

and i'm still thinking of my friend bai's mom's perut masak lemak cili padi. and paku pakis masak lemak...

nothing of my mom's yet... oh, oh... my dad's maggi goreng.

tired & out of breath

been wanting to blog but after getting into town a couple of days ago, i have no energy to spare. even chot took a sick day... but unfortunately for him, his sick day involved removing snow from our long driveway.

jept, anis & adam are safely back in malaysia. jept will have an intense 3 weeks to enjoy home before starting work in Australia. before they left, chot helped them clear out their apartment. i tagged along, trying to keep adam out of trouble while anis did what she needed to do.

we left for chicago monday & had a wonderful dinner at an iranian restaurant downtown chicago. the food was so good, the company was even better. the next morning, we headed to O'hare early2 in the morning. we were in the morning rush but people on the roads were courteous enough.

chot commented "unlike a sale, they must not like going to work... they are all taking it easy". : ) as oppose to a certain "after thanksgiving sale" where people were sooo nasty.

anyways, we were at the airport until 10 am... we took pictures and said our goodbyes. hugs and pats on the back... but no crying. i bet if the goodbye session was a bit longer, we would see tears.

and then they went through the security check & that was it. walking back to the car was weird though, my legs & chest were a bit heavy... like "it finally happened, the end of all the fun times & good company with them". in the car, chot said "dah takde dah, dah takde kawan". i wonder when will we see them again...

++++

on a totally different note... i got two not so good phone calls from the ob-gyn office. on my last check up, they did tests and before we left, the doctor said "if you don't hear anything from us, that means test results came back ok". so my heart skipped a little when i got a call from them.

the nurse said there's abnormal cells from the pap smear. & the next time i come in, they'll do a colposcopy (i think that's what she said). basically, the doctor will look at me under a microscope, a closer look, more tests to see what kind of abnormal cells i have. i'm thinking it's no big deal, they didn't want to see me earlier, just to come in on the same date in february. i read on the internet, some kind of cells developed into cancer but if those are the cells i have, it won't happen in 2 to 3 years... that is if untreated. anyways, i'm trying not to worry.

and then the next day, i got another call from the nurse... "hi darwina, this is carrie..." and i went "oh, great...". the result of the urine test says i have bacteria in my pee & i need to take antibiotic... easy enough. i didn't get a call from them regarding my blood test, so i'm assuming that one went well...

and that's the news so far. my tummy wants food so i'll respond to comments after. oh, and also i have tons of pictures to upload...

look what i got!!!

love you!!! a big thanks... no, a HUGE thank you to marina for thinking about me and sending a little care package of raya cookies. also thank you to Aida for having to bring these from malaysia (i assume) & mailing it to me from Sacramento.

you are such a dear, my dear... i feel so honored, warm and fuzzy inside & been smiling since yesterday. sad to say, even my own parents never sends me anything.

and at a time when i've been thinking about malaysian food (a lot... A LOT. ehem, even dreaming of going to the "pasar malam") & not being able to get my hands on any, came this ohhh soooo wonderfuuullll surprise.

thank you so much for being sooooo thoughtful to little ol' me. I will enjoy every single bite!!!...

++++

the story of us : )

we were roomies for quite a long time in MCC. but towards the end, we got into a bit of a bad period. we'd ingore & didn't speak to each other. and since i was always in our room, she had to roam around to avoid me, to the point of camping out at other rooms. it was definately worst for her. and for the likes of me, i can't remember what started the whole mess.

but we've said our sorries & am glad we're good friends again.

in MCC, she's the first one who told me about chot. and even showed me who the guy was (but it was dark though & i can't make out his face). apparently he had a bit of a reputation & marina, coming back to our room from her many gossip sessions was in disbelief when she found out i didn't know who this guy was. yeah... i don't get out much.

marina loves her music & she has drawers and drawers full of cassettes (yup!!!... we're from that era). everytime going to kuantan, she'd always has some cassette to get, the shop owner LOVES her. she very chatty & very bubbly & loves her lipsticks & her shoes : )... and would be constantly writing something on her apple. the handful of people there with an apple. she's very talented, she'd share poems she wrote, lovey ones, and funny ones, and angry ones. i was amazed since i can't write a poem to save my life : D...

the new marina is a new mother and doing very well in advancing herself, going her masters and all. and she has a lovely blog... do go and visit & say hi http://marinadelrey.blogspot.com/

Ika

i have these pictures of Ika that's just laying around... might as well share them. her hobbies are... playing under the sink, playing "masak2" and playing with her food. and looking adorable while doing all of it!!!...