sebelum win masuk bab cerita pasal kenapa win tak sedap hati, nak umumkan yang adik win yohaniz dah selamat lahirkan anak isnin 30 Oktober. cucu & anak sedara no. 1 utk kitaorg. Namanye Nurhusna Imani bt. Mohd. Rafizal. Agak panjang tapi takpe la, anak diaorg... suka hati la nak taruk apa pun. Panggilnye Husna... win suka, bunyi comel.
pergi pulak bab adik win farahanim aka bobo. majlis tunang selamat & selesai Sabtu 28hb. Tapi ada beberapa isu yang buat mak & abah (& lepas mak cerita kat win)... win tak berapa puashati. abah bising & mak terkilan, & win susah hati memikirkan... ada ke kitaorang anak beranak "over"??
tapi bila bercakap ngan bobo, dia tak rasa apa yang jadik tu isu yang perlu di pikirkan.
majlisnye jadik kelam-kabut sebab lepas mak tanya bakal besan berapa ramai nak datang sebab nak sediakan makan dll, yang munculnye 2 kali ganda. semua sebelah famili win terkedu & terkejut besar sebab katanye dalam 40 orang tapi yang datang satu bas kilang + 4 buah kereta... dua kali ganda. macamana jadik macam nie tak berapa pasti lagi. tapi mak kata dia rasa macam kena tipu sebab dia bercakap & bertanya dengan mak pihak lelaki sendiri.
siapa yang aturkan bab bas kilang pergi dari Felda 1, ke Felda 2, ke Felda 3 & Felda 4 ambik orang kitaorg tak tau. kitaorang tak tau semua tu saudara-mara, kenalan atau orang yang pihak lelaki tak kenal langsung. tak kisah lah siapa diaorang kepada pihak lelaki, cuma kata lain & jadiknye lain. kalau korang, tengok orang turun satu2 dari bas and jalan ke arah rumah korang, masuk rumah tak henti2... macamana reaksi korang?? mak win terkedu sangat, sampai kepala dia pusing, tak berani bangun takut2 pengsan.
win kata ngan mak yang kot ada jiran2 dia yang buat keputusan nak angkut orang & mak ayah pihak lelaki tak dapat kawal. tapi lepas cakap ngan mak, win telefon bobo & dia kata mak pihak lelaki maksudkan 40 orang dewasa... budak2 tak masuk kiraan... tapiiii mak kata, mak pihak lelaki sendiri kata ngan dia berulang2 kali yang tak ramai yang akan datang, cuma 30 ke 40 orang sebab saudara-mara dah takde kat kampung. dia kata jugak rumah kitaorg kecik, tak muat kalau bawak orang ramai2.
jadik bayangkan keadaan rumah yang penuh dengan orang (dalam & luar). nak buat perkara lebih haru-biru, hujan pulak hari tu. wakil pihak lelaki & pihak perempuan yang nak bercakap dah duduk macam kadi & pengantin lelaki nak lafaz akad. makanan tak cukup, sampai orang rumah hanya makan kuah kari & lebih2 roti jala. pulak ada yang tak malu mintak bekas nak bekal makanan & dengan mak win tengah terpinga2 & masih tergamam tengok orang tu bekal makanan, orang tu takde pun segan silu kata minta maaf ke apa, kata terpaksa ambik bekal sikit untuk anak2 & cucu2 utk makan dalam bas. tak... ambik bekal pas tu pusing & pergi.
pulak beramai2 mintak air panas untuk nak buat susu anak, segala air manis yang ada di tuang dalam botol2 susu. nie perkara normal ke untuk orang2 dari Felda?? bukan tanya sinis, cukup ikhlas soalan win sebab kitaorg tak tau apa nak pikir??
bobo terangkan, kata diaorang nak memeriahkan keadaan. tapi bukan caranye macam nie. nak meriahkan keadaan tapi pada kita, majlis rasmi kami cacat... tak terlintas ke kat fikiran mereka?? siapa yang buat keputusan angkut orang beramai2 tu betul tak patut...
untuk win, dengar cerita pun macam tak percaya... macamana boleh jadik macam nie? kenapa orang2 nie takde segan silu, takde sopan santun. tak sedap hati nak lepaskan adik win pergi, utk kawin and pergi ke komuniti yang macam nie. iye lah, dia nak kawin budak lelaki tu, bukan mak dia ke, ayah dia ke... komuniti dia tapi... iisssshhh...
pas tu masuk bab hantaran & rupanye. punya kecik hati mak win bila tengok hantaran yang diaorang bawak. iya lah orang miskin tapi ada beza kan dari "spending for it and preparing for it??... preparing it to look presentable and nice does not require money. it doesn't take much right?? to present stuff nicely??... to not buy the small or smallest sized fruits & cake and stuff, to just wrap it up in paper. yes i know... it is just fruits and cake but that's just it!!!... it is just fruits and cake!!!... it doesn't cost but a few extra ringgit to have nice ones... is it too much of an effort for my sister.
it stings for i know my sister was racking her brain, saving & working, tying her stomach for the "hantaran"... and to get what she got as a return is so sad. and the bad thing is, she doesn't seem to mind... or maybe trying not to mind, i dunno.
she kept on saying, "diaorang orang miskin, diaorang orang miskin"... so what thry are poor??... does it make what they did OK??
and then as my sister was trying to explain and give a reason behind every single unpleasant issue to me, she told me of something my mother did not. she said "& pasal cincin & (part of) duit hantaran tu, makcik X tak sempat. jadik dia ambik jek pinggan kat dapur..." what???... pinggan??... pinggan makan??... u have got to be kidding!!?? my eyes nearly came out of it's socket.
i told bobo... actually i don't really remember what i told her, half of the time, i was just babling and trying to contain myself. i was and still am sad... still very much disappointed...
don't get me wrong. we're not snobs... we know we're not rich people, we have our shortcomings. and we don't mind if our daughter/ sister is marring into a poor family... we sooooo don't mind. BUT we do mind common sense and common courtesy.
as of yet, just the future son-in-law said "minta maaf kalau ada terlebih & terkurang"... but not a single call to my mom from his mom saying whatever she should be saying. even if she's not behind the whole thing of the bus load of people & how badly they behaved, the least she could do is call... common courtesy...
and i feel bad because i made my sister feel bad when i called her. oh, i feel i am over reacting... but i do feel uneasy and quite worried. i feel like plucking my sister and putting her in a different place... i want to save her... i want to tell her 27 years old is not old, she doesn't have to marry the first guy that asks her. value herself enough to not just swallow everything... & ur not even married.
also, i want to tell her that when she does marry, she has to learn to draw the line, to know when enough is enough in helping to provide. to know when to stop giving to others and instead give to her. it is not ok to keep on saying "takpe"... "takpe"... "takpe"...
i am over reacting... the guy might well be nice and loving and caring and considerate towards my sister. my sister is not perfect i know, she has he flaws, she makes mistakes. i am telling myself that he is not a reflection of his family & his community... no... i am hoping he is not a reflection of them.
i am sooo worried...
(and sorry for the inconsistency in language... when i am flooded with emotions, i tend to abandon malay...)
8 comments:
Dear Awin,
i m sorry to hear abt yur 'tak sedap ati'. i don quite understd sum of d issue but i do get dat d majlis dah spoilt b'cos of d uninvited guess. u did mention dat yur bakal in law is org susah but s far s i kno slalunye org org kg yg susah nie penuh ngan adat n ade sopan santun. ade perasaan rendah diri, segan n malu. i kno dis b'cos i ave a keluarga angkat in baling, kedah where the children ave to wake up at 5 am in d morning helping their parents to toreh getah den 6.30 am balik to get ready for school. i stayed wit dem for 4 days n hv visited dem n dey r very accomodating n asyik asyik mintak maaf sbb umah dey all tak seberapa n mknan tak seberapa n all dat stuff sbb dey all feel dat dey all nie serba kekurangan berbanding org kl. anyway from wat u mention mcm yur bakal in laws tak tau adat bermajlis ajer n takde courtesy to say sorry abt d uninvited guess n bringing moe den dey promised. anyway i don want to add salt to d wound jus dat i hope yur sis knows wat she is getting herself into. later wen she do get married wit dis guy takut mcm mcm prob will crop up. mmg le skang tak nampak, biasalah adat org tgh dilamun bercinta. dat all will dissapear n reality sinks in after 1 yr of marriage. d majlis is already n indication, a mirror if u will abt d family. slalunye majlis bertunang ppl treat it with penuh hormat, adat n sopan n santun. walaupun org susah,takkan takde common courtesy??! u don ave to b rich to hv courtesy. nie frm wat u mention cam tak hormat je majlis org! iysh, byk plak i membebel!! hopefully yur bakal in laws will apologise for d 'situation' n offer n explanation of wat actually append. if not, i tend to agree wit yur stmt dat yur sis shd really re-think abt getting married to dis guy.
mebbe yur parents blh selidik dgn lebih dlm lg abt latar blkg their bakal besan n bakal menantu. investigate their history n their background moe b4 yur parents accepts im as their son in law. jgn bile kawin baru nak pecah tembelang,baru nampak true colours, den it is already too late.
like myself n redza, his parents tanye my asal usul n family background n apparently atuk redza kenal my atuk. wat a small world.n my dad lak asked damn lot of qn abt redza n his family, guess being a policemen he tend to be very inquisitive. he was short of running a security check on redza.
well anyway.....hoping all will end well eventually.
regards,
ezzel n redza
Ina ,Kak Teh tak de pulak dengar Mak Ngah citer pasal ni....tapi from what you wrote sedihnya ....susah tu belum apa-apa dah ada conflict...
Bi kena terangkan dengan dia orang,bukanlah maksudnya kita ni sombong tapi mintak mereka faham situasi ..dan kalau boleh apa yang telah di tetapkan sewaktu berbincang jgn di ubah-ubah.....
Ni baru tunang esok majlis nikah macam mana?
Kak Teh teringat masa hari perkahwinan Kak Teh di mana pihak lelaki membawa 6 dulang extra (sedangkan pada masa berbincang pihak lelaki telah tetapkan utk hadiahkan 9 dulang and pihak perempuan balas 11 dulang,tup tup bawak 6 extra ...boring betul Kak Teh masa tu )Dah jadinya lelaki beri lebih dari perempuan......alasan pihak lelaki nak jaga hati mak-mak sedara mereka yang TAK semena-menanya telah membuat extra kek & kuih.tanpa di suruh..... hampeh@$#$&%%*
Lepas tu arwah Wan (Rembau), Kak Teh cakap biasanya kalau macam ni ...lepas kahwin susah sebabnya mereka akan selalu ingin kita mendengar keputusan mereka.....and it turns out to be true.....
Awal perkahwinan memang haru biru makan hati sebabnya mereka suka campur tangan.....dan selalunya paksa kita ikut ...tapi dah lama tu bila Kak Teh dah tak tahan Kak teh tak layan and tak lagi jadi pengikut setia....Sometimes we need to be firm......agar tidak dipijak kepala.
Ina ,Kak Teh tak de pulak dengar Mak Ngah citer pasal ni....tapi from what you wrote sedihnya ....susah tu belum apa-apa dah ada conflict...
Bi kena terangkan dengan dia orang,bukanlah maksudnya kita ni sombong tapi mintak mereka faham situasi ..dan kalau boleh apa yang telah di tetapkan sewaktu berbincang jgn di ubah-ubah.....
Ni baru tunang esok majlis nikah macam mana?
Kak Teh teringat masa hari perkahwinan Kak Teh di mana pihak lelaki membawa 6 dulang extra (sedangkan pada masa berbincang pihak lelaki telah tetapkan utk hadiahkan 9 dulang and pihak perempuan balas 11 dulang,tup tup bawak 6 extra ...boring betul Kak Teh masa tu )Dah jadinya lelaki beri lebih dari perempuan......alasan pihak lelaki nak jaga hati mak-mak sedara mereka yang TAK semena-menanya telah membuat extra kek & kuih.tanpa di suruh..... hampeh@$#$&%%*
Lepas tu arwah Wan (Rembau), Kak Teh cakap biasanya kalau macam ni ...lepas kahwin susah sebabnya mereka akan selalu ingin kita mendengar keputusan mereka.....and it turns out to be true.....
Awal perkahwinan memang haru biru makan hati sebabnya mereka suka campur tangan.....dan selalunya paksa kita ikut ...tapi dah lama tu bila Kak Teh dah tak tahan Kak teh tak layan and tak lagi jadi pengikut setia....Sometimes we need to be firm......agar tidak dipijak kepala.
kesian baca kisah ni win..memang tak patut diorang rosakkan majlis mcm tu.. ye lah, malu la tuan rumah kalau apa yg dijanji lain jadiknye..my GOD satu BAS win???
and u know what? i think those people didn't even know they all rosakkan majlis sbb semua mcm selamba dek aje..i'd think it was downright hilarious in fact, but i really sympathize with ur mom as the tuan rumah...maybe that's why they all tak mintak maaf, becoz they didn't think what they were doing was wrong...though it wud take common sense la kan?
i think u have the right to feel tak sedap hati n as an elder sister u shud advise ur sister...because kan, in Malaysian society (or is it Asian?), when one gets married, u are marrying into the whole family... and it's true, when one is drunk on love, they'll say 'takpe..takpe' tapi katakan reality sets in too late, apa yang boleh buat nanti kan?
berdoalah byk2..though bad as it was, the incidence has a hikmah, perhaps?
alamak, ni belum kenduri kawin lagi. ramainye datang for bertunang....kesina mak win.
as a sister u have the right to feel that way and maybe u should really talk this over with adik win. nanti dah kawin lagi susah, dia asyik makan hati je dgn family laki dia. buat ape? kalau ayik gaduh je nanti. memang le tengah bercinta ni kentut pun bau wangi......so cakaplah baik2 dgn adik win. mak dan ayah win pun sekarang ni for sure pikir 2-3 kali nak lepaskan. kalau kawin tak dpt restu 100% ni, susah sikit nanti. so baik think it over demi kepentingan sendiri untuk dia & juga keluarga Win.
tu je lah nasihat frm me......apa lai nak cakap...
Win, memang patut pun hang marah iskk iskk.. ada ka komuniti mcm tu yer?
Win, please save her from making the 'mistake' of her life. She's not going to marry the guy only... but also the family... and somehow... the community sounds very the scary... i know you would do eveything to save her. Kesian mak kau win..about the 'family' memang a bit tak tahu bahasa and budaya. I mean, makcik aku ada jugak duduk kat Felda but her family knows those budaya and bahasa ... isykkkk tolong selamat kan sis kau...
Hmmm
Dah bertunang kan? I hope everything works out fine in the end, whatever pon yg your sister pilih, kan? Betullah, bila dah kawin someone, u kahwin their family, and their community, too....
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